


Easy

by YKWencest



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6759514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YKWencest/pseuds/YKWencest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little analysis of things, and how they're supposed to be easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Well, everyone, here's the penultimate old work of mine. I hope I can get some more stuff worked on sometime soon. Hope everyone enjoys this one.

She was fine. Yes, she was just fine. More than fine, even. That’s what she told herself. And what you told yourself was infallible truth, right? If you told it to yourself, then who could there possibly be to lie to you? You were you. You knew everything about yourself. And if you said you were fine, then you were fine. That’s just how it went.

She was fine.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Easy. Easy to say if you knew what it felt like. Easy to get lost in. Easy to become addicted to. Easy.

Come see me.

I can’t right now.

Come see me.

Maybe tomorrow.

Come see me.

I’m busy.

Come see me.

I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.

Easy. Everything was easy. Everything. That’s what she told herself. And again, what you tell yourself has to be true. How can it not be?

Do you not love me anymore?

Of course I do.

Do you not love me anymore?

How could I not love you?

Do you not love me anymore?

Of course I love you. Don’t be silly.

Easy. So easy. Too easy. Too…

Hard.

Why was it so hard? Why was love so hard? It shouldn’t be. Everyone feels it, right? Everyone loves. Unless something just doesn’t connect in the brain, every person feels love. It was one of the most base human emotions. It was one of the most complex human emotions. It was easy. It was supposed to be easy.

Have you been crying?

No.

Have you been crying?

Just a little. It’s nothing, really.

Have you been crying?

I think it’s that time, yeah.

Books were easy. You read words, you learned things, you went places. Books were easy. You pick one up, you skim a page or two, and before you know it, you’re done. And then you start the cycle again. She was always starting that cycle. One book turned into two, and two into four, and four into eight, and eight into sixteen, and eventually, she had read more books than age she would ever reach in her lifetime, breaths she would take in a single day, tears she would shed from her eyes. She was good at reading. Books were easy.

Moving was hard. Moving was supposed to be hard, and it was. It filled its role perfectly. Go from one place to another, with as much of a pain in the ass as possible. Check. Did things get lost? Yes. Did they get found? Sometimes. Did things get left behind on purpose? Yes. Did people inherit things that were left? Yes. Boom. Everything was what it should be. Moving was hard. But it was supposed to be hard. No one ever said moving was a blast. No one ever lied about moving. Moving was hard, because it was moving. Moving was hard, because moving was hard. You got what you paid for with moving.

How are you adjusting?

It’s hard, but I’ll get there.

How are you adjusting?

It’s different.

How are you adjusting?

I think I’ve finally got the hang of it.

Time. Time was tricky. Time was supposed to be tricky. Time was like moving. Time was what it said on the tin. Time didn’t lie to you and no one lied to you about it. Time was tricky. Spend it with who? Use it on what? Time was tricky, but no one was expected to be a master. No one could be even if they tried. Time was tricky, but you couldn’t hold it against time. Time was tricky because it was supposed to be tricky. It was older than you, but it was younger than you as well. It had much more experience than you could ever hope to gain, but it was also just learning along with you. Time was something else.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Easy. It was supposed to be easy. It was a little more so with the addition of time. Time was an enhancer. Time was a degrader. Time was a plus and time was a minus. Time made things easier, because you got used to them, and you learned their trick little by little. Time made things harder, because it took away everything’s ability little by little. Easier. That was more accurate. It wasn’t easy, but it was easier. She told herself that, and she wasn’t wrong. She couldn’t be. She told herself.

Come see me.

I can’t right now.

Come see me.

Maybe tomorrow.

Come see me.

I’m busy.

Come see me.

I‘ll be there in a few hours.

Love. Love was a tricky little beast. Love was almost like time. Love wasn’t as old as time, but it was close. Love was tricky. It was so easy to find. It was so hard to find. It was easy to think that you found it, when all that was there was a placebo, fool’s gold. You would polish it up and show it off to everyone. “Look what I’ve found,” you would say, and they would answer, “That’s nothing. Put it back.”

Love was tricky.

Have you been crying?

No.

Have you been crying?

Just a little. It’s nothing, really.

Have you been crying?

I think it’s that time, yeah.

Tricks. She had tried to out trick love before. Many times, even. She was… okay, at pulling her own tricks. Love was always one step ahead of her. It was always one step ahead of everyone. Love knew who you loved before you did. Love knew who you no longer loved before you did. Love knew lots of things. Not as many things as time knew, but a lot. Love tricked her back twice as hard when she tried to trick it. A slap on the bum for being a bad girl.

A slap on the bum for being a bad girl. So many of those. So many slaps to the bum. She just wanted to be bad, she supposed. It couldn’t really be helped. No one had touched her, no, but life had. Life was the mother of love, the daughter of time. Life was her grandmother, she guessed. Life was good at giving her a damn good whacking. It was her fault for misbehaving, really. Life told her no, and she did it anyway. A pat on the bum, a timeout here or there. Problem solved? No. But life, she was tolerant. She never abandoned you until you were able to go off on your own. That was another story, though. That was a story no one talked about.

Easy. It was supposed to be easy. Time decided to take away his gift. It wasn’t easier anymore. Back to square one.

Love was hard. It was tricky, still, yes, but it was also hard. They were the same, she and her love. That’s what made it so hard. They were the same. But why should that matter? Men loved women, and women loved men, and men loved men, and women loved women. No harm no foul, right? But they were the same. That was hard. She could try to trick love again. She could dye her hair and wear a disguise. But that wouldn’t work, would it? People would still know it was her. People knew her. She could get surgery, but that was just silly. She wanted to stay herself. If she got surgery, then there was no point in being her anymore, was there?

I love you.

I love you, too.

Moving was still hard. Moving was still hard, because it was still moving. Nothing new to learn here. Things got lost? Yep. Thing got found? Totally. Things stayed gone forever? You betcha. Moving was still hard, but that was okay. Moving still wasn’t a liar. Moving was still honest.

How are you adjusting?

It’s hard, but I’ll get there.

How are you adjusting?

It’s so different. How do you do it?

How are you adjusting?

I think I’ve got the hang of it.

Easy. Oh, this time she had it. This time it was easy. Everything was easy. Breathing? Check. Reading? Check. Writing? Check. Music? Check. Being a mom? Check. Well, cat mom, but mom nonetheless. Love? Check.

She could say with certainty this time around that love was easy. She had it, and she wouldn’t let it go now. She had before. That was disappointing. They were the same, she and her love. Nothing new. They had always been the same. Oh yes, some things were still hard to do, like go out in public, but they managed. They were the same, and quite frankly, they just wanted to be together. They were the same.

*

“Hey, Sasa. Whatcha writing?”

Sara smiled as she turned around in her computer chair. She had the brief notion to spin around and around, but she fought it. She had learned many years ago not to. Her stomach wouldn’t handle it well.

“I’m just writing down some stuff,” she replied. “I had some thoughts on my mind and wanted to put them down somewhere.”

“What kind of thoughts?” her love asked. (Her love that was the same as she was.)

“Just stuff about my life. Our lives,” Sara answered. She stood up from the comforts of her chair and walked over to her love. Her lips curled into a smile as she wrapped her arms around their small frame and tucked her face into their neck. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” her love answered. (Her love that was the same as she was.)

Easy. Everything was easy. Sure, she had to hide her love, but that was okay. They were the same. She and Tegan were the same. They always had been and would always be. They loved each other.

“What were you writing about?” Tegan asked her again.

“I was writing about how hard everything was and how easy it all got,” Sara replied with a smile. She walked over to her computer and saved the document she had been working on. She enjoyed writing her thoughts down. She didn’t want to lose them.

“You always could’ve just broken up with me if it was that hard,” Tegan offered quietly. “I would’ve understood.”

“You would’ve hated me,” Sara countered. “I would’ve hated me for doing something like that, so I know you would’ve. Hell, I hated myself for running away like I did so much.”

“You were scared,” Tegan shrugged. “Like I was at first.”

“We switched places for a while there, huh?” Sara laughed. She walked back over to Tegan and embraced her once more. It felt good to be with Tegan. It felt good to just sit in her arms and hold her back. Tegan felt good.

“Yeah, we did,” Tegan chuckled. “But we finally got in sync.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Easy.


End file.
